And again I just wanna die, my fuckin “sister” people calling this fucking disgusting hipocrite person sister..That shit always make me cry like always, and why, only for some shit money. I hate money.. Yes in my mom’s credit card I spend some money and she knows about it, she became most cute and kind girl..She’s like I love you sissy..And then she asked me “can I oder dress from some site” I’m like I need that money I can’t give it to you..and really I need money for pasport which I’m gonna make for America, can u understand me that shit money for my dream and not her fucking dress and then when she knows that I’m not going give her that money, she became monster she FUUUCCCCKKK she spit in me and God it were really horror I felt I’m died and I was freak I beat her but I swear she made me fuckin mad..
Yes my mom understood that it isn’t were my fault but again she’s not doing any step to make me calm and I’m again sitting in balcony and I’m crying for some piece of shit…
I love you mom and so sorry that you aren’t understand me..
And I’m again lost and alone with my fucking minds which planing run far away from here and live calm without thinking about fuckin people and I really hate people so much, and I don’t think I’ll find some kind person, so I would like stay alone forever..
I would like go somewhere with my friend its always helps and I’m glad I have somebody who can make me happy..Even if sometimes I think I don’t know her at all to..
I really wanna hide from everybody, Help me God my..
And I really hope that this all will be alright..Yesterday I told you that I took a part in lottery green card which helps so easy live, work and study in USA..and I told you that I did something wrong but nah, right now I’m gonna wait for october to know answers of lottery and I’m so pretty excited coz I believe that God will help me to win green card, and can you imagine then my all dreams will come true..I just believe and if really I had some chances in before, to go to my dream way, but they were just conversations but this is real this is all I need and I have big hopes that this would be more than just conversation or something..I hope that with this, I will have what I need, I will live in my dream life and then I will be most happy person in this fucking life…
And another reason to be happy, that my mom and my sister agree live there to..And I will leave this boring fuck city, already..And you know I’m afraid to be super excited and ready because everytime when I’m really breathing so fast and all the day thinking about that dreams isn’t coming true. Even people says “If u want something so so much you will get it, for sure”…So, I hope so..
And everytime when I’m just imagine that I’ll arrive in LAX, I think I will lose my consciousness and that minds make me pretty happy..I just hope will be alright..
Please God my help me, how usual… ♥♥♥
Yeah I told you that these days were really fucking horrible and I couldn’t even breathe and then I desided go somewhere with my friend coz I thought that she will make me happy..And it was right cause everytime I’m meeting with her I’m forgetting all bad things and we just starting lough and after that meeting I feel really better and live, coz all the day sitting at home with your not favorite people its really damn bad..So even if in this boring country there are nothing interesting, but right now here are full of travelers and its soooo good cause I like travelers so so freakin much they are so good and kind they are always smiling, they aren’t unhappy like my city’s people…So we had really good time and I would like have days like this a little more coz be with your friend and have a fun, its really pretty..
So, I think you already know that I dream about living in USA, in LA and for that yesterday me with mom and sister took a part in lottary “green card” I registered our family but I think something went wrong and if really I’m afraid a few..But I know that will be alright..God always with me and He always helps me..I’m so thankful..
So wish me good luck, cause right now that’s all I need
Its like she don’t understand me anymore, sometimes I think she don’t think about me anymore and she just forget about me..Whatever maybe you gotta say that its your fault, but really no, in before I could speak with her and she understood me, not everytime but she could understand, but right now, she even don’t wanna listen what I’m talking about….And its really hurts..
Yesterday night I cried so much, here are temperature 31 but I felt cold and I just waned die..No I like life and I want live but sometime I feel that nobody and nothing need me, why I’m not saying like I don’t need anybody, cause I dream about everyone will forget about me, like I’ve never been..And maybe then I could run away and hide from everyone..
I really can’t live like this anymore, I really can’t…Like I’m old fucking woman and I tired of everything, but I don’t want life like this I wanna feel myself young..I’m just 15..And wtf hapenning with me I can’t understand..I wanna live this fucking life like most happy teenager not like old woman who trying get younger..
I wanna be Young, Wild and Free
I wouldn’t call this teenage..cause every teenager have interesting problems and yes I think everybody must have problems and make for them good finish..But I….I even can’t understand what I want, sometimes I feel I don’t want even live but then I think no, I want live, I want have such an interesting and funny life, I wanna travel, I wanna go away from people..I just wanna be far and alone..I really don’t need anybody…I want FREEDOM
And day by day its getting so hard for me, I even can’t cry, but maybe I wanna cry..My mom never asks me ”why are u sad”, she never asks me ”maybe I can help you” and even when she ask me I can’t give her answer coz I’m not friend with her, and I’m not friend with my one and only friend, I just feel alone..Only God with me but lately He is, I don’t wanna say something bad, but like He forget about me, but I know that it isn’t true, I know that God always with me and He will always gonna be with me, I believe..And in my fucking life one and only good thing His presence and feeling that He is with me..
In other way my mom only thinks about her unlucky and stupid, sister and brother..They are so sucks, they are mature persons but they are not did something serious in theirs life.. theirs only hope is my momma and my mom always care about them, and its make me nervous freak..She always talk about them and about theirs problems and when I want speak about my plans or about what I want she again and again speaking about her fucking relatives, and I wanna scream ”I’m not interested about your fucking fuck people” I even don’t hate them..And most horrible they don’t leave me calm..mom’s sister with her daughter and grandson came to live with us, oh what me doing, cause my “dears” have problems and why….I wanna be alone, I just need be alone
LIVE ME ALONE FUCKIN PEOPLE
And I really understand, I don’t know is it good or not but I really changed a lot and when I’m looking before its for me gross and I don’t know how much I will change after year, but I don’t want change my minds, my plans and everything I planed for future..I just don’t wanna lose it all, I don’t wanna stay alone without my dreams, even when I’m thinking about it, its getting too cold in my inside and I just wanna cry..cause year or 2 years ago I loved people, I waned talk with them, I waned kiss my family, then I just hated people, but now its too cold coz right now I even don’t hate them, I feel uncomfortable, I feel like I’m from other planet and I don’t know anyone in here..
Everyone hypocrite and maybe me too, maybe I just can’t find myself and maybe this is just unimportant teenage problem,,I don’t know and maybe I even don’t want to know..
MAYBE I JUST WANT FREEDOM AND LOVE FOOOOOOOOORREEEEEVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEER………..
Omg this is awful I can’t even breathe.. Here are so fucking hot and I hate this all, I’m like thinking “are You kidding with me God my” so many fucking things at the same time, guests who I just hate and if really they taking my freedom away coz I like stay at home alone and that’s the one and only thing i like in summer but my “relatives” came and they are going stay here with me for a long time, I’m just praying God to give me freedom.In other way here are so hot and Its making me fucking freak.In other way my sister she’s like so damn dumb I hate them all..
I just can’t wait when I’m gonna live alone, when I will have freedom a real freedom, when I will do what I like and when I won’t have to see theirs boring faces.. I just wanna run away from this boring ass city and I wanna live free..I just wanna live a life, I want have adventures and feel lucky..
I JUST WANNA LIVE LIFE