From childhood I have been so weak and I always got sick and now too..five months ago I’ve got so sick and I’m about 1 month were at hospital and right now that weakness coming back plus new disease..But I really don’t want be sick..I wanna be live..
And I’m really trying change my life I’m already not eating much..so in before I didn’t eat much, to..I have workout time, I’m going to go gym..And I’m making cool designes, tomorrow I’ll take some interesting book from library and yea I’m conitinuing believe..But I don’t know why that sickness don’t let me live..
At yesterday night I almost drowned, I’m so grateful to God that my mom wokes me up.. only drugs helps me..
I’m trying forget that all but I really understand that I need change my oxygen and I’m so sorry that my mom is’nt understand that, I’m really so sorry..
I don’t want live like this anymore..Already I’m really freaking out..When I’m saying to myself don’t think negative will be alright, then I’m crying coz I need pass long way to make my dreams true and in the world there are people who have life about what I’m dreaming and they not appreciate what they have..
I really wanna live life, actually in my mind I’m living really in different planet at all and I even don’t want accept the reality, coz everyone judge me like ”you’re not live” or “be live” but if really I don’t want be live, here coz really I’m tired, actually I’m counting all the hours and I’m waiting for when day will over and it hurts so bad coz you know that in other place people really enjoying life and they having adventures, and I’m sitting here waisting my fucking uninteresting life…But really I don’t want that..Really )))):
And yersterday me and mommy desided change my school place and go to study in college..yea that’s too good change that disgusting place but I know that in new place I won’t feel better to..I’m so problematic and sometimes I think I’m excessive burden for my family..No one understands me..))))
I want my America, my dream so so bad and I’m just praying God help me..Only He can help me..
I don’t wanna live )))))))