I want begin everything from the first..

I  was  so  nervous,  and  maybe  right  now,  i’m nervous  too, but  so  whatever, I  feel more adequately..i  don’t  know,  I missed  my all  thoughts..I  wanted end  my life  and  begin again, but  I  understand  that  that’s  impossible get  other  life,  i gorra  change  my  life and  fight  what I live  for.. In  these days  i just  ate  my moms brain  saying “I  can’t  live  here any fucking  more”. i  know she  feels me and  she  understands,  but  i  don’t  know  for  why she  isn’t  want  change  anything,  she  said  many  times  that  she  will  do  everything  to  make  me  happy but day  by  day  I  understand  to  get  my  dreams,  in  that  way  i can  trust  only  me and to my  God..  In  these  days I feel  I’m  emotional  but  in  real I’m  not, I  was  like someone without heart, i  didn’t  do  anything,  I  even didn’t  cried..That  was  so  awkward, when u want something  to  do  but actually u  can’t do  anything, even  cry..

But  I  really  want  to begin  everything  from first. I  know  I  can’t  be happy in  school,  even in home,  so  i  want  change  my  school  place,  or  study  in  college,  if really  i  don’t care in  studying cuz,  i think  that  everybody can  learn  lifes important   things in  real  life not  from  any  books, that  books  not  important  for  being smart, biggest  part  the  people  who   I  know,  learnt so much, but  they don’t  have what  they dreamt,  cuz  they  spent theyrs life  for  fucking  diploma, to  show stupid  people, how  smart  they  are..You  can  learn anything  u  want,  but u can do  it  if  u  really want  it,  exam I – I  have  a  dream,  Live  in USA the meaning  of  my  life, but  right now, I  live  so  far from America, so  I could’t do  anything but I learnt  English  and  I’m  cuntinuing learn  it, I  learnt  two foreign languages, because I  really  wanted  it, I did  it with  interest..So  if  u  don’t  do  anything  u  don’t  like,  don’t  do  it…Life  is  too short, to follow  the  rules..large (1)

I’m  happy cuz  I  have meaning  of life and I’m  gonna  fight..The  time  will  fix  everything,  I  believe..

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Nobody can’t tell me what to do, I don’t want that fucking school, I don’t go back there..

aaaaaaaaaaggggrrr  I  wanna  lost in  island, be  alone,I  wanna  hide  from everything and  that  fucking  school making  me so nervous I  can’t  do anything,  i’m  just waiting..I’m  just fucking  15 and  nothing  in  my  freaking  hand..they are trying  control  me,  but i  don’t  wanna  control, i  haaate  control..I’m  so  emotional.i  wanna  cry, smile, I’m  getting  real  mad,  only  music  making  me  inspired i  want  to  write  with a  hope  that  someone will  understand  me,  cuz around  me people  only  can judge me

I  just can’t  chill  out

Can  anobody  understan me…who  an, but  who  cares. I’m lost girl  I’m  fucking  kick,  i’m  losing  my  minds  I can’t  control my  emotions  I  gorra  say  everybody  how  I  hate  themmmm….

Help  me  God  my..Please

Sad, Empty I even don’t understand, or I don’t even want to understand..

Anytime,  i think my  thoughts are lost..Already..maybe  this  is  the time  to get  free from  all  the rules and  don’t  think  about  anything..After  1  or 2  years  my schoolmates  going  to  university  or  somwhere  fuck..And they’re  already getting  ready..And what really  seriously you  wanna  tell me  to  go somewhere I  don’t  wanna  go..No!!  Really  thanks.. I  have  another  plans I  don’t  want  to  follow  the  rules,  I  have no  rules  i  gorra  do anything I  want but not  what they’re  going  to  do..I wanna get free and  be  alone,  i  wanna  work  my  own  money  and  spend  it how  i  like.. I  don’t  wanna  be  problem  for  my parents I wanna  live  where  I  want and do  what  i  really  want..I  don’t  know  maybe  that’s  sound  so  dumb..but whatever  i  don’t  care..I  know  I  choose more  hard  version  of  life- to  become    independent..But  that’s  the  way  i  like  it..I  know that its  gorra  be  more  hard  I  mean  very  hard  but  its  better  to  choose  other,  to     be  different..You  know easy  is  always  boring..

But  i’m  for  sure  I   don’t  want boring  life..I’m really  so  sure..I want  to  travel,  I  want  to go far and have my  dreams  cuz, I  can’t wait  anymore..And  I  really  don’t  fucking  care,  what  boring people  are  thinking  and  will  think  about  me..This  is  my  life  I  gorra live  it  how  i  like..God  gaves  everybody theirs  lifes and people  need  to take  care  for  theirs  own  lifes..

Be  Don’t  care at  all….