I’m crying, I don’t know why

Vacation, for  one week,  wow  so much happiness. I’m  like thinking what  the  fuck is  with me,  is  there  gonna be  some day  that  I  will be  glad for  everything, in  school I wanted  home so  much, right now its gonna  be so  wrong  to  say  I want  back  to school, but I  want something unusual, I  really want to  change everything, like my whole  leisure is zero. Today my  friend  called  me  she’s like  common tomorrow go to  cinema, I’m  like huh ok, but I even  don’t want  to  spend some time  with  someone  with  who  I  always  had  a  really  fun.But  now,  I  know  this  is my  fault, I changed, and  I  wanna  be  alone  at  all,  it isn’t  pleasure be  with friends  anymore..Cos  i  really  don’t  like, the similar people, she’s  likeing whole  the  things  I  like, she wants  all  things I want,  our  dreams  become  similar,  she’s  making  with me  plans  for  future, but  I  really  can’t  say  her  sorry  I’m  not  going  to  take  a  part  in  your  plans, really so  sorry..

My  plans are  be  alone and live alone.I’m not person  who  wants journey with friends or  with anyone like family  or  bf,  i  really  want  to earn all  by  myself and be  free  at  all                                                                      Help me  Godcropped-large1.jpg

Miracles in the world..All about my faith

My  faith  getting bigger and  bigger, every  moment,  every  second, my  God is making new  miracles, this  is  really  wonderful, admirable. So  here is a  little story,  not  about  me but with connection of me..Maybe  even  without  connection but  whatever..So  some days ago, my  friend told me  that  a guy whos far relative of  her got in  coma, I  even  didn’t see  one  picture  of that  guy,  i even  didn’t  knew  his  name till  today, but I  was  really  in  shock  coz  he  is really so young, he  is  just 17 and  thats  was so  so sorry to lose  him even  I  don’t know  him, maybe  its  sound  really so  dumb, that  I’m worring about  someone  who I  even  don’t know, but here is  humanity, lately I started  pray  for  not only me  and my dreams, I  started  pray  to God, asking  health and luck  for  young people, this life actually  is  too short  to  lose it  in  young age, and i’m thinking more  about it  lately and I’m  starting to appreciate my  life..Really  thank  you God my  giving me a life, a lot people are  losing theirs  lifes and that is so sorry..I want  live my  life don’t  repenting it, and  in  the same  time be thankful..So  a  good  side  in  this story that boy woke up today, when my friend called me and told me  good  news  I was and I’m  really so happy..There are really  a  lot  of  miracles, we  just don’t  notice it all..

Appreciate, cos you can  lose it suddenly & at  once..

Most depressive day in my freaking life..God’s making miracles, I’m so grateful♥

Wanna  start from, that I’m  so  sick, and weak, you  know, how  low is my immunity, and  so  the  cold  days already  started and hey flu, whats  up??!!!.Ok fuck it,  I stayed at home and thats  was  cool for me  but  I couldn’t  guess  that  this  “cool, fun,  alone”  day  at home gonna  be  the  most  depressive day ever..Lets start  from the first, I  woke  up, weak and I  don’t wanted do anything,  I set on internet, then  I  watched  new  movie  named “Ashby”, btw I  liked it, and  i  advice it  to  watch, so whatever..After  watching movie, I got so  bored and I  desided make  video, like “funny” with  my sisters camera..And  of course the most  unlucky  girl who  you are  reading  right  now,  broke thaat fucking  camera..I’ve  got  so nervous cause I  knew  that  if  my  sister will know  about  it she will  kill me, she’s  really  so  agressive, and i’m really so  serious, she is mad..Soo  can you imagine my fucking  situation??? I’m  like  cried, my hand was  trembled, I  knew its gorra be really big family scandal..So I took  that  stupid camera to some idiot “master”, who  said like ‘if I  can fix it you gonna  give  me  big  money’ I was  like  fuck it..You already know, that  I’m trying become photographer and  I’ve made money  fond for my new  prof. camera,  it’s really my big  dream..I’ve got  really broke, I was  sad, I wanted  to die, I know,  you think this isn’t big  problem but, that wasn’t  the one reason to be broken, I’m  really  so  problematic sometimes  I’m thinking that  I am  the most  unlucky  girl in the whole  world, I really want  other  life…

So  I’m gonna tell you  the  end  of this story. When I came back  home, I was like watched whole  internet, all, all  instructions, to  get something to  fix that fucking camera..So  I  find  out that  I have  no  decision. I waited to my sister to  tell her  that  fucking news, so  she  came and I told her  that  I  broke her cam, and how, I  guessed  she  was  really  agressive..I  think  whole  the time  when I cried  and  freaked out God  watched me from the heaven and He helped me..My sister  tried to connect the camera..Camera connected..And please  don’t  tell me like ‘God isn’t exist’, only  not me……

I’m for sure, I’ll get it, God knows..Some new things

новый коллаж

Hay,  I wanna  dream and  I  wanna  dream..Okay  yesterday I’ve  gone  to church  and again  I’m for  sure church is  the best and  calm place  ever  in  the world,  My advice when  you’re  depressed go  to  church..I  wanted just wanted to talk to God  a  lot, but  everytime I’m  going  church I  can’t  say  anything except thank you..after  that I  feel that for sure we  gonna  win  that  GreenCard,  I don’t  know why,  but I’m  really sure,  maybe cause I  was  really  faithful..I really  believe that  will  be alright, my feeling is so confident  about  it.

So  the next thing  I’ve  got  I  always dreamed to become  photographer and, right now  I’m  doing my first steps,  I know I don’t  have more beautiful  things  to shot, but I  gorra make  them beautiful  with my own  eyes and  hand.The sky  is so beautiful,  that I can  make  a  million  beautiful,  vintage  and  misterious  photos  of  it..I’ll try my best  to got anything really  good,I’m  for sure  I  will post  here my  better works, I’m really  so excited..and I already have cashbox for  new  and   better camera..

So  thats  was all  to tell u, I’m  really so glad I  feel  how  God  helping  me  and staying with  me, thats all that’s  life..Thanks  God my,  stay with me and  will be  alright…

Its raining.I’m freaked up

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I’m, I hate everything,  everybody..I  wanna  be free,  i  don’t  know,  maybe i  wrote it  100  times  but  I don’t  care,  my  feelings  so  differant.I’m  crying,  smiling I’m really  getting  dumb ass.. I was  afraid that  I can  get  real  mad, and  I’m  afraid of it right  now too..Today was  horrible day,  I  wanted to  kill everyone in  fucking  school, I came  home and  I  cried  out,  I cried  so  hard. I  was so  emotional, I  was  so  sick and  now  I’m sad, I’ve got freaked..Sometimes  I’m  thinking  why,  I’m  gonna  see whole the same  boring  people  and the  same  boring  way every fucking  similar  day,,???Why??? That’s  already from many time ago  made  me  so  tired,  u  just can’t imagine how much  I’m  tired, thats  even I  can’t  imagine.I  can’t  know myself..I can’t wait  some new  things..I’m  so  afraid that I  c I  don’t  know. Thats  so so  hard.I  don’t  have  any connection with people who I live with, and  they  can’t  understand  me.

I  wanna  take  back  my  childhood, I can’t say  that it  was something interesting  or happy cuz I was always  alone  kid,  bud  it was  so  good  that i  didn’t understand  a  lot of things  about  life, life  is  too hard.I just  hope God  will help  me  again,  because  I trust  only  Him..