Vacation, for one week, wow so much happiness. I’m like thinking what the fuck is with me, is there gonna be some day that I will be glad for everything, in school I wanted home so much, right now its gonna be so wrong to say I want back to school, but I want something unusual, I really want to change everything, like my whole leisure is zero. Today my friend called me she’s like common tomorrow go to cinema, I’m like huh ok, but I even don’t want to spend some time with someone with who I always had a really fun.But now, I know this is my fault, I changed, and I wanna be alone at all, it isn’t pleasure be with friends anymore..Cos i really don’t like, the similar people, she’s likeing whole the things I like, she wants all things I want, our dreams become similar, she’s making with me plans for future, but I really can’t say her sorry I’m not going to take a part in your plans, really so sorry..
My faith getting bigger and bigger, every moment, every second, my God is making new miracles, this is really wonderful, admirable. So here is a little story, not about me but with connection of me..Maybe even without connection but whatever..So some days ago, my friend told me that a guy whos far relative of her got in coma, I even didn’t see one picture of that guy, i even didn’t knew his name till today, but I was really in shock coz he is really so young, he is just 17 and thats was so so sorry to lose him even I don’t know him, maybe its sound really so dumb, that I’m worring about someone who I even don’t know, but here is humanity, lately I started pray for not only me and my dreams, I started pray to God, asking health and luck for young people, this life actually is too short to lose it in young age, and i’m thinking more about it lately and I’m starting to appreciate my life..Really thank you God my giving me a life, a lot people are losing theirs lifes and that is so sorry..I want live my life don’t repenting it, and in the same time be thankful..So a good side in this story that boy woke up today, when my friend called me and told me good news I was and I’m really so happy..There are really a lot of miracles, we just don’t notice it all..
Appreciate, cos you can lose it suddenly & at once..
Wanna start from, that I’m so sick, and weak, you know, how low is my immunity, and so the cold days already started and hey flu, whats up??!!!.Ok fuck it, I stayed at home and thats was cool for me but I couldn’t guess that this “cool, fun, alone” day at home gonna be the most depressive day ever..Lets start from the first, I woke up, weak and I don’t wanted do anything, I set on internet, then I watched new movie named “Ashby”, btw I liked it, and i advice it to watch, so whatever..After watching movie, I got so bored and I desided make video, like “funny” with my sisters camera..And of course the most unlucky girl who you are reading right now, broke thaat fucking camera..I’ve got so nervous cause I knew that if my sister will know about it she will kill me, she’s really so agressive, and i’m really so serious, she is mad..Soo can you imagine my fucking situation??? I’m like cried, my hand was trembled, I knew its gorra be really big family scandal..So I took that stupid camera to some idiot “master”, who said like ‘if I can fix it you gonna give me big money’ I was like fuck it..You already know, that I’m trying become photographer and I’ve made money fond for my new prof. camera, it’s really my big dream..I’ve got really broke, I was sad, I wanted to die, I know, you think this isn’t big problem but, that wasn’t the one reason to be broken, I’m really so problematic sometimes I’m thinking that I am the most unlucky girl in the whole world, I really want other life…
So I’m gonna tell you the end of this story. When I came back home, I was like watched whole internet, all, all instructions, to get something to fix that fucking camera..So I find out that I have no decision. I waited to my sister to tell her that fucking news, so she came and I told her that I broke her cam, and how, I guessed she was really agressive..I think whole the time when I cried and freaked out God watched me from the heaven and He helped me..My sister tried to connect the camera..Camera connected..And please don’t tell me like ‘God isn’t exist’, only not me……
Hay, I wanna dream and I wanna dream..Okay yesterday I’ve gone to church and again I’m for sure church is the best and calm place ever in the world, My advice when you’re depressed go to church..I wanted just wanted to talk to God a lot, but everytime I’m going church I can’t say anything except thank you..after that I feel that for sure we gonna win that GreenCard, I don’t know why, but I’m really sure, maybe cause I was really faithful..I really believe that will be alright, my feeling is so confident about it.
So the next thing I’ve got I always dreamed to become photographer and, right now I’m doing my first steps, I know I don’t have more beautiful things to shot, but I gorra make them beautiful with my own eyes and hand.The sky is so beautiful, that I can make a million beautiful, vintage and misterious photos of it..I’ll try my best to got anything really good,I’m for sure I will post here my better works, I’m really so excited..and I already have cashbox for new and better camera..
So thats was all to tell u, I’m really so glad I feel how God helping me and staying with me, thats all that’s life..Thanks God my, stay with me and will be alright…
I’m, I hate everything, everybody..I wanna be free, i don’t know, maybe i wrote it 100 times but I don’t care, my feelings so differant.I’m crying, smiling I’m really getting dumb ass.. I was afraid that I can get real mad, and I’m afraid of it right now too..Today was horrible day, I wanted to kill everyone in fucking school, I came home and I cried out, I cried so hard. I was so emotional, I was so sick and now I’m sad, I’ve got freaked..Sometimes I’m thinking why, I’m gonna see whole the same boring people and the same boring way every fucking similar day,,???Why??? That’s already from many time ago made me so tired, u just can’t imagine how much I’m tired, thats even I can’t imagine.I can’t know myself..I can’t wait some new things..I’m so afraid that I c I don’t know. Thats so so hard.I don’t have any connection with people who I live with, and they can’t understand me.
I wanna take back my childhood, I can’t say that it was something interesting or happy cuz I was always alone kid, bud it was so good that i didn’t understand a lot of things about life, life is too hard.I just hope God will help me again, because I trust only Him..