The confusion never stops to surround me.
I’ve been thinking and thinking, being chronically tired, waking up without energy to live. It followed me too long and then I decided to stop it. Enough to feel discomfort in life! Even the books I’ve read on and on, none stop, the minds that has turned around my head, the questions. They continued kill me. IvI’ve tried to get over from every single idea that I’ve locked inside of my brain. I just wanted to be and set my mind in absolute freedom state.live without something “that I have to”, “I must to” or whatever else.
In this period of my life, one more thing I learnt too well is that the learning can be dangerous too. At some point in this time I was afraid of losing my mind or going crazy. I felt how my eyes are dying slowly, I wanted to know more. It started looks like to me as a ‘obsession’ I had to stop it, so it won’t become habit to be and feel in this way. So, the March and my plan was just not thinking. I set myself free, at all.In town, I found the bluesman, who plays guitar at his corner and I’ve stayed to listen him for hours, to make my heart and spirit blessed. I didn’t save any money to help someone who’s needed., I’ve started walking a lot. I’m watching how the color indigo looks like at the 7 p.m which reminds me the old and kind days and which makes me have the favorite color….. Luckily the March is when the rain and wind starts and continues to inspire me, they make me feel so warm inside. I feel myself sunken in the positive way.
I know.. The confusion is never gonna stop to exist in my life till I’ll find myself at all( if it is possible to do) in somewhere that will make me feel differently at all, possibly crazily….I don’t know..somehow not like this….
And another funny thing, I write this (better to say) I write down this faithful hopes, in my math’s fucked up notebook , while I’m constrained at the class, surrounded of my schoolmates which are so self-decepted and ‘square thinking’ and boring and dumb… Ohh God. But I have the hope , massive hope that I can and I’m gonna leave this forever and ever and ever!