tiredness

ire(I’ve wrote this, 2 months before and this is how I felt)
I did not know before I can get tired, beside having hard-working days, waliking to much, having headaches,drinking to much or a lot more reasons. Only now I understand the world “tiredness” is relative, it has differant meanings,my tiredness was a little bit unrecognizabe at first to me I couldn’t understand the meaning of it because I was sleeping and I’d waking up already tired so I connected it to something about phisical issue but only now I get that in this vesion of my story the mind is controller of the body and not only.
3 months, literally 3 months and I’ll get done with the school, I will find without thinking, I’ll find out at some moment, somehow in some place that my life is clearly not what it is now, it will happen suddenly and I will notice it for a moment and then I won’t think about it, this is not a promise or something like that, no! my life is gonna change by itself I’ll find myself in the new situation, I will start worry more or against I will stop worrying but the matter isn’t about it, matter is in now, that I can control myself to survive the school because only 3 months and I can call myself “free”. The only desiticion I make now, wich about I’m so concious that that is so reckless is that I’m prefering just not to attend the last classes of my school-life… I’m being unresponsible and I’m behaving absurdic, I don’t know how to justificate myself, maybe I don’t even use to, but it’s like the mornings of mine are working against to me, they are eating me, it’s like they make my body and eyes tired on purpose so I’ll feel myself useless. I don’t know what is happening but I don’t like this position of mine……………………………………
I’m sucked up