My first trip.

It was February, I don’t really remember what day was that, Monday or Tuesday, I just remember I woke up and it was such a normal sad day. I’ve been so tired of my own bed, my own eyes, tired of my own minds. It was such a sad morning.It was insane to see a post saying that my the  most favorite singer is gonna have a concert, in the neighbour country of mine. I smiled at first, then I thought “This is one of the wishes that are gonna hold on the air and never happen.” But I turned back of my own mind and said to myself “Simply, go, get it!”.

I went to the bank, charged my card and bought the tickets  for Beth Hart’s concert, in Tbilisi, for the 18th of November, I should had to wait, a little to long. My mom was laughing at me saying “don’t you think, it’s a little bit early”. I think I said “it’s okay mom.”

It was a single step to do, but the importance of it, were something I cannot to explain in the right way. It were like setting myself free. This may sound stupid for the people that travels regularly, sees new country, meets new people twice in a year or even more, but for a person who has been never out of where she were living at her whole life, almost 18 years. I feel it is a Number, isn’t it?. So, it should be felt very special, a little to much of excitement, especially, doing everything by myself, booking the flat, booking the tickets for the concert and the car as well. All by the money I’ve been collecting all this time. It should’ve been felt so special, it really should’ve to. I’ve done everything with such a confidence, like I’ve done the same several times, you can not even imagine how much I have researched and learnt about this trip, so I wouldn’t miss anything, and can you imagine I took my mom with me, I took my sister with me to a trip. I think this is a little reason to feel myself proud even for a second. 

And then passing the border for the first time, new city, new people,  first concert, concert of someone who’s music gives me  such a goosebumps, and I couldn’t even dream about listening her live, ever. But the main thing I wished was one. Feeling the happiness, see how it feels like to feel for the first time in my life.

What happened…
I saw the places I wanted to see, I attended the concert I dreamt to. Everything went really well, beside the people. Believe me, I’m not that unthankful. By having such a horrible company with me I still can honestly feel the gratefulness and satisfaction of that I’ve experienced, what I saw, what I felt. I just cannot to make myself to feel what, what I don’t feel. I did not taste the happiness,  the missing speciality that were painted at my sister’s unsatisfied face, the continuous stupid fights hers and mom’s couldn’t not to disturb me to fully be in the position, when I’m only appreciating what happens around me at the exact moment. 

I really enjoyed the concert, it was phenomenal, I’ve never had a feeling like that and if I’d an single opportunity to thank Beth for being to much perfect and emotional and patient, I couldn’t be able to find enough words, I still can’t stop thanking God for that amazing evening, taxi driver’s  amazing little night tour of night city, the live emotions, long and cold walks…but… 

I hate putting this word at the end of whatever I’m saying…but all of this nice things has happened standing next a girl who’s never stopping to be displeased, unthankful, moanery.

I felt amazing to be a tourist and I fitted in the clothes of tourist I think very well, but the people I went with hasn’t stopped to bring me down, I tried to hard to ignore and enjoy and it almost went well, but you know there’s nothing harder than ignoring someone who is disturbing you to feel the special excitement, the H A P P I N E S S.

I tried to comfort them, I’ve done anything to put the positivity (which is being honest not likely me), to courage of seeing only positive in this trip, but I fell once again.

Now, analysing this, the main lesson is if you plan to do this and that, to see and feel the speciality, make sure to choose the right company or better be by your own, cause in situations like this when you’re seeking and learning  you will never gonna bring yourself down. I just hadn’t any chance to it, I’m not adult, yet and I’ve had to choose between going with someone or not going at all. Well, now I’m not displeased, I’ve had such a good moments, I’ve got inspired to see more.

Tbilisi is such an old and own color having city, it has two faces, when the old and new meets ands blends together in harmony. I liked the lights and the down going pretty stoned narrow streets, where boys are waving by hand to the girls they like, giving them such an long amazing look from the distance, while smoking a cigarette, standing for a bit crooked, i hope thinking beautifully. This city has such impressive trees, that are huge, and you can’t not to notice them. Some sort of wild people outside and the row metros, always busy, beggars in the center, amazing architecture, the bridge of Peace, where a man plays Elvis’s.

The philosophical part in this, it is that every moment is a new story, even this one which is now, when I’m already back, sitting in my kitchen, lightning my orange candle, which I brought from Tbilisi, writing about my little trip, this moment is a memory, because I’m gonna remember it as a part of me, long lasting one, and how many things has happened this year, it’s crazy, I’m so calm but I feel my life’s crazy too. Is it even okay?​