will be alright.

Honestly, I am proud of myself that I could fight and win the demon which has been living inside of me two years before. I am ashamed of my own words, that I’ve wrote here to someone. Relatives or friends or even worse to my mom, I was literally ungrateful asshole who thought only about her senseless existness.                                         There is something in my heart what  I’m not even being able to pronounce.But I want to be honest to me and confess that I can’t remember a day when I felt real happiness. I know it might sound unrealistic cause there’s should be something, in somewhere deep hidden in memories that will make me smile jelously to go back to that moment, to that second and feel the same happiness.The blame is all mine and everything was and still is so confusing but I can’t remember a day, an hour,  a second me in the euphoria of happiness, this is too much grievous to me to even think about, but by living a grey and too much unknown life..here’s results.Here comes a time when you say to yourself ”at least you should have tried”. So coming over this story I will make myself happy very soon and after doing that I’ll come back here and I’ll share everything…           So, now what I wanted to talk about is that the spleen of 13/15 years old me has been gone away and I don’t know how could I talk about anybody like that, how could I be that young and that much heartless. I want to delete all my angry thoughts that I wrote here and burn whole of diaries but these are times and they are changing and of course reading my old stupidness makes me smarter and stronger now.

Now while everything is hundred times more awful in my life when my family moved to somewhere that makes me breath very uneasy at every moment, when i’m unimaginably out of my comfort and I feel airless, where I feel depressed and downtrodden, not needed and……I want to stop talking like this. Like the dumbness of mine is consist of that I’m so aware that by labeling myself as “somehow” makes me like that more.So I should stop call me “depressed”,”sad”, “uncreative” or whatever else, right now.                             And here’s the thing I can’t put the blame of  my uncomfortability to anybody else.             I know I’m so immature now, that I think this situation won’t change and I’ll stay unhappy forever..But I know, I fucking know every damn thing that disturbs me now will disappear so soon and every damn feeling to. Will be alright….

We have to know what we live for

I just can’t understand the people. They are thinking about rules, principles, like what if, and a lot dumb ideas in the head of humans.

Today in facebook  I saw the post where one mother who’s not worked enough money to make her son’s wishes true, was so broke and after it she played in porn film as an actress she has got money and bought bicycle for her only son, after that it was written “they are so happy now, she made her son happy”. The cries coming quickly after this all, I felt we didn’t lose our hope to be human and take care for each other. But then I read whole comments in that post. Every single body, everybody judged her, even someone wrote “couldn’t you just hit your son to be angry to him and say that he’s too little to wish anything”. I just can’t guess  did that commenter meant that the kids are nobodies and we gonna don’t care  about whole our children’s wishes?? I really have no idea  what is she meant. Okay if we  have problems  do we gonna make our favorite people sad, hit them, judge them?? Really? I’m really freaking don’t understand..

I’m just 16  everyday sitting in internet reading any posts, comments, quotes everyday I’m learning something new, some opinions, minds are making my young opinion about world its all making me grown. And what do you mean saying “hit your baby and scream at him”. Do you wanna make me angry in future? If during the time I’ve didn’t got my opinion maybe I could be agree with you. What do you think, in the future will we get the love and peace?

We can beat each other how much we like but do we think about future, do we think about after us. I really can’t understand the people, who’s making any “special”  “cool” “severe” minds and telling everyone about their “strong opinion” which is so useless and stupid for everyone..

Every mistake is not mistake if we are doing it for getting love, peace and hope..And how I understand for that killing is most  inexcusable thing because it isn’t have any of this 3 things..

P.S I’m so grateful, yesterday I’ve got most kind of likes for my photoghrapy post, its really makes me stronger for my future dreams.