I’m crying, I don’t know why

Vacation, for  one week,  wow  so much happiness. I’m  like thinking what  the  fuck is  with me,  is  there  gonna be  some day  that  I  will be  glad for  everything, in  school I wanted  home so  much, right now its gonna  be so  wrong  to  say  I want  back  to school, but I  want something unusual, I  really want to  change everything, like my whole  leisure is zero. Today my  friend  called  me  she’s like  common tomorrow go to  cinema, I’m  like huh ok, but I even  don’t want  to  spend some time  with  someone  with  who  I  always  had  a  really  fun.But  now,  I  know  this  is my  fault, I changed, and  I  wanna  be  alone  at  all,  it isn’t  pleasure be  with friends  anymore..Cos  i  really  don’t  like, the similar people, she’s  likeing whole  the  things  I  like, she wants  all  things I want,  our  dreams  become  similar,  she’s  making  with me  plans  for  future, but  I  really  can’t  say  her  sorry  I’m  not  going  to  take  a  part  in  your  plans, really so  sorry..

My  plans are  be  alone and live alone.I’m not person  who  wants journey with friends or  with anyone like family  or  bf,  i  really  want  to earn all  by  myself and be  free  at  all                                                                      Help me  Godcropped-large1.jpg

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Its raining.I’m freaked up

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I’m, I hate everything,  everybody..I  wanna  be free,  i  don’t  know,  maybe i  wrote it  100  times  but  I don’t  care,  my  feelings  so  differant.I’m  crying,  smiling I’m really  getting  dumb ass.. I was  afraid that  I can  get  real  mad, and  I’m  afraid of it right  now too..Today was  horrible day,  I  wanted to  kill everyone in  fucking  school, I came  home and  I  cried  out,  I cried  so  hard. I  was so  emotional, I  was  so  sick and  now  I’m sad, I’ve got freaked..Sometimes  I’m  thinking  why,  I’m  gonna  see whole the same  boring  people  and the  same  boring  way every fucking  similar  day,,???Why??? That’s  already from many time ago  made  me  so  tired,  u  just can’t imagine how much  I’m  tired, thats  even I  can’t  imagine.I  can’t  know myself..I can’t wait  some new  things..I’m  so  afraid that I  c I  don’t  know. Thats  so so  hard.I  don’t  have  any connection with people who I live with, and  they  can’t  understand  me.

I  wanna  take  back  my  childhood, I can’t say  that it  was something interesting  or happy cuz I was always  alone  kid,  bud  it was  so  good  that i  didn’t understand  a  lot of things  about  life, life  is  too hard.I just  hope God  will help  me  again,  because  I trust  only  Him..