Honestly, I am proud of myself that I could fight and win the demon which has been living inside of me two years before. I am ashamed of my own words, that I’ve wrote here to someone. Relatives or friends or even worse to my mom, I was literally ungrateful asshole who thought only about her senseless existness. There is something in my heart what I’m not even being able to pronounce.But I want to be honest to me and confess that I can’t remember a day when I felt real happiness. I know it might sound unrealistic cause there’s should be something, in somewhere deep hidden in memories that will make me smile jelously to go back to that moment, to that second and feel the same happiness.The blame is all mine and everything was and still is so confusing but I can’t remember a day, an hour, a second me in the euphoria of happiness, this is too much grievous to me to even think about, but by living a grey and too much unknown life..here’s results.Here comes a time when you say to yourself ”at least you should have tried”. So coming over this story I will make myself happy very soon and after doing that I’ll come back here and I’ll share everything… So, now what I wanted to talk about is that the spleen of 13/15 years old me has been gone away and I don’t know how could I talk about anybody like that, how could I be that young and that much heartless. I want to delete all my angry thoughts that I wrote here and burn whole of diaries but these are times and they are changing and of course reading my old stupidness makes me smarter and stronger now.
Now while everything is hundred times more awful in my life when my family moved to somewhere that makes me breath very uneasy at every moment, when i’m unimaginably out of my comfort and I feel airless, where I feel depressed and downtrodden, not needed and……I want to stop talking like this. Like the dumbness of mine is consist of that I’m so aware that by labeling myself as “somehow” makes me like that more.So I should stop call me “depressed”,”sad”, “uncreative” or whatever else, right now. And here’s the thing I can’t put the blame of my uncomfortability to anybody else. I know I’m so immature now, that I think this situation won’t change and I’ll stay unhappy forever..But I know, I fucking know every damn thing that disturbs me now will disappear so soon and every damn feeling to. Will be alright….
Learn is not studing
There are coming part when you really want to learn more get more smart or just explore in internet not only about social stupid sites and find new pretty writers, philosophers, books and watch more deep movies.. And this is really inspiring change your opinion about a lot life things, teach yourself, learn from anybodies or just safe your opinion knowing its right one..
I really like this part of my life. I’m so interested about quotes and I’m finding so simply the same time so deep and cool quotes, and today I read one so right and true that is “Right now you may not be where you intended to be, but it’s where you need to be in order to get to where you want to go ” . this is so inspire and really we don’t need give up anyways never ever, because everything has a reason and we’re not lost yet, till we can fight.. Whatever where we are, we are here for fighting for where we want we’re humans, and nothing is gonna be easy cos that is reason.. Everything can be beautiful, even loses we can make everything beautiful, and no matter what, we have to make ourselves happy, one day whatever when tomorrow, today or in one year..
I’m person who’s just can’t lie even when some situation is too hard and I have to lie that’s so hard to me, and I’m always choosing say truth.. I don’t really understand people whos creating for themselves imaginary life and that’s not beautiful and its just lie. Because I know one thing so right when I’m lying I’m feeling worst and when the truth is bad saying the truth I’m feeling so bad too.. So why lie if it’s the same thing, difference is about being honest, and I really appreciate the honesty and I think everyone does!
So why am I talking about this because maybe this is not much similar with lies but I started share with persons and not only shut up, actually I don’t like talk to people with my feelings or just tell them about my problems but, I started be frank about why I’m sad or why I can’t go with my friends for having fun, that’s so normal to me to say them I haven’t got enough money or just I don’t want spend time with you.. I know its can be kind of rude but I learnt how make understand and how understand, so this is my advice if you’re not able or you just don’t have wish tell them coz then its being easier live for future and its being normal for you too.
I thought I could make a blog where I could give advice to teenagers and take advices and maybe I’ll make something like that in future but here I’m real examination of teenage girl who’s getting problems, exploring and trying learn more
I just can’t understand the people. They are thinking about rules, principles, like what if, and a lot dumb ideas in the head of humans.
Today in facebook I saw the post where one mother who’s not worked enough money to make her son’s wishes true, was so broke and after it she played in porn film as an actress she has got money and bought bicycle for her only son, after that it was written “they are so happy now, she made her son happy”. The cries coming quickly after this all, I felt we didn’t lose our hope to be human and take care for each other. But then I read whole comments in that post. Every single body, everybody judged her, even someone wrote “couldn’t you just hit your son to be angry to him and say that he’s too little to wish anything”. I just can’t guess did that commenter meant that the kids are nobodies and we gonna don’t care about whole our children’s wishes?? I really have no idea what is she meant. Okay if we have problems do we gonna make our favorite people sad, hit them, judge them?? Really? I’m really freaking don’t understand..
I’m just 16 everyday sitting in internet reading any posts, comments, quotes everyday I’m learning something new, some opinions, minds are making my young opinion about world its all making me grown. And what do you mean saying “hit your baby and scream at him”. Do you wanna make me angry in future? If during the time I’ve didn’t got my opinion maybe I could be agree with you. What do you think, in the future will we get the love and peace?
We can beat each other how much we like but do we think about future, do we think about after us. I really can’t understand the people, who’s making any “special” “cool” “severe” minds and telling everyone about their “strong opinion” which is so useless and stupid for everyone..
Every mistake is not mistake if we are doing it for getting love, peace and hope..And how I understand for that killing is most inexcusable thing because it isn’t have any of this 3 things..
P.S I’m so grateful, yesterday I’ve got most kind of likes for my photoghrapy post, its really makes me stronger for my future dreams.
The wishes, plans we are making in our brain are coming true during in time, after these all I even can’t afraid that any of my dreams won’t come true..
Btw Merry Christmas and Happy New Years
Every single year I was so unhappy about holydays because I always wanted more or other one.
I feel how I am growing up, because I don’t taking so hard the mind “I could have more” whatever I really so grateful for everything I’ve got for every single day God is giving me, I can listen a lot bad news but I don’t care cause I know nothing is perfect and I don’t want anything will get perfect, I accept the world how it is because this amazing world is my HOME this is where I gorra survive and do my life things.. the world is mine I am the world’s
I always dreamt about to have something special, something unforgettable and I’ve got it in this New Year.. I raised lighter in the sky wishing most special and important thing is for me, doing it I’ve got so much freedom so much happiness so much feelings. I like what I have, I love it and the things I don’t like I will change with a big pleasure.
The only thing I wish is the peace and humanity for every person. We are really sorry to lost ours. Don’t be ashamed to be kind to everyone
I’m so blended I feel love and I’ve got sure about my feelings. Once I felt what I never feel in before, I’m not going to cry cause my love is untouchable and inaccessibile I gorra move on and live on, I don’t care at all and at every feeling. I love this feeling which people are calling love maybe this is another feeling unnamed but anyways I don’t care at words and at rules. My life is continuing I’m happy and still free freak